All these year being a financial planner, I have done financial planning for many couples and see them go through different life stages; from dating, to proposal (or BTO), to wedding and eventually moving in to their new home.
As much as I don't agree with the idea of not picking up any plans that is essential (in my opinion of course) in the midst of wedding preparation, I always respect all my clients and friends decision and follow-up after that. Sometimes it may take as long as 3-4yrs if you count from the stage you start to throw the many $10 for the balloting of BTOs to the point they got married and moved in. Reason why I don't agree is simple, even if you are getting a term insurance ~$100/month for 4yrs. It will at most set one back by $5k. We all know getting married is expensive but if $5,000 cannot be spared for something essential, I really suggest looking at the budget set aside for the wedding.
Sometimes, people can be (over) conservative. They wish to set aside and save more just to be conservative that they neglect the essential coverages required should anything happen. So they either end up a lot more (which is a good thing) or a lot a lot poorer should anything happen. I will still consider this category in good position (thankfully I haven't done any major claim before) as they will be very ready to do planning with me after wedding.
People that I am always very concerned with are 1) those who does not share or discuss much financial information with their spouse-to-be or 2) those who wants the perfect wedding and perfect house.
A lot of times, strains in the relationship is due to money issues. Being transparent about each other's finances can prevent many disagreements from coming up. Me and my wife were transparent about everything, so finance is seldom the cause of our arguments (mostly is due to Man from Mars and woman from venus haha). Here's a list you can share to whatever extent you are comfortable with.
- Cashflow
- Income
- Averaging monthly savings
- Assets
- Cash savings
- Investments (good and bad)
- Liabilities
- Credit card loan
- Insurance coverage
- Financial Goals
- 5yrs, 10yrs, 20yrs down the road?
I would believe most females out there are not money-minded and they just want to be with a man that is responsible enough who tries to take care of the family financially in the way he can or simply just a man she can understand. So we can do ourselves a favour by sharing our own financial position with the ladies and not keeping them in the dark or make them curious/wanna ask. If your lady feels that your finances is confidential and you don't have to tell her, well, at least you took the first step. I still grab my wife to sit down with me every month to go through our family finances (I do a monthly family statements). Sometimes she's interested, sometimes she's totally not interested.
With ladies having equal job opportunities as man nowadays, I do see many couples splitting expenses 50-50 nowadays (call me old fashion but this is something I don't agree as a man unless it's the ladies who suggested 50-50). But to the minority, if you (ladies) don't wish to share your financial standing, at least offer to share family expenses in a proportion that is comfortable (according to your own income) so that your man won't feel imbalance/too stretched/stressed about it? I have seen this before and is totally not healthy for the relationship.
Now come to the main point, perfect wedding and perfect house. I have my fair share of witnessing couples spending lots of money on wedding & renovation. Nothing wrong with that, so long as it's within budget. My own definition of within budget is that you shouldn't have to start from ground zero in saving up again. Of course it's up to individual's interpretation and how much happier you will be moving forward to see yourself having a perfect wedding and home. If you can feel super happy and contented for the next decade looking at all the wedding videos, photos (again and again) and spending enough time relaxing in the beautiful love nest created, then it's still probably a good investment so long it's not funded by debt or parents (unless you come from a rich background where parents wanted an elaborated wedding due to their business dealings, I don't think you should allow your parents to fund for material stuff using their retirement $).
Just to share my own experience as a referencing point. Well, this Uncle here is very traditional in the way that I would want to provide for family whenever I can. Before I kana any bashing, I do recognise that ladies don't mind chipping in to get the wedding they want nowadays and there are many exceptions from family requirements. But my personal stand is that females and parents shouldn't be made to pay for wedding. I am grateful that Min Yu was on the same page as I am and we worked around with the budget I had when it comes to proposal, photoshoot, venue selection etc.
Engagement rings need not be too expensive if you buy from private jeweller and ask them to do the setting for you. I do see many friends turning to Gemstones and also online jeweller for proposal rings instead of the usual diamond ring.
Engagement ring + Bridal package (with the extra top-ups) - $7,892
Her Wedding Band (apparently I need to pay for hers and she need to pay for mine) - $750
过大礼 (including car rental to go and deliver the cakes to relatives after that) - $550
ROM (photographer, staycation after ROM, angbaos, car rental etc. We utilised our complimentary food tasting for a table for this occasion and asked the restaurant for a small private room for an hr or so for the ROM. ROM is done 2months before AD and it was a small family affair) - $740
Printing invites - $175
Actual day (photographer, videographer, car rental, angbaos etc) - $2,000
Total cost of Wedding banquet paid to Orchard Parade Hotel (after some discounts) - ~$20,000 for 20+ tables
After factoring angbao money collect and angbao from some tables to be given away as 聘礼, it was manageable cost. In fact, I usually tell my client just assume a 50% cost in their budgeting to be conservative. No need to take the full cost of the banquet as part of the cost.
Honeymoon (NZ 17days roadtrip) - $6,000
Furnitures/touchup for interim place (we wanted a place of our own to have some 二人世界 after marriage before planning for a little one) - $5,000
Total estimated cost for wedding + honeymoon - $38,107 (inclusive of angbao collect, cost gets lower). So do you think you need $50,000 just for the wedding alone?
Now, with us moving into our new places only in Dec 2015, things are fresher I actually kept a more organised record and here's a breakdown
Renovation - $20,645 (inclusive of installation of lightings, fans, air-con etc)
Malaysia Purchase - RM18,181 inclusive of
- 4 x ceiling fan with light
- 3-Seat Sofa (half leather) + MBR bed frame with King size bed
- Marble dining table
- Wardrobe for Common Room
- Study table + 2 chair
- Bathroom + Kitchen stuff (tap, sink etc)
- Curtain for LR, 2 Common Room, MBR (black-out), roman blind for MBR
- Lightings
Electrical Appliances - $3,625 inclusive of
- TV + Barrack
- Fridge
- Boiler
- Rice Cooker
- Hot flask
- Oven
- Washing Machine
- Rinnai Hob & Hood
- 3 x CCTV
Ikea purchase - $943 (Only Caelyn's Ikea bed + 2 study area arm chair)
Others - $1,210
- Storeroom rack
- Gate lock
- Invisible Grill
Total Damage ~$33,000 all-in for 5-room HDB flat. At least for us, we do not see a need for a $60,000 - $100,000 renovation, furniture, appliance cost.
Financially, things were a little less stressful than many people as all the huge expenditures are more spread out. We got married in 2012, Caelyn arrived in 2014 and BTO only completed in 2015, giving us ample time to prepare for each stage of our life (but I would have loved our BTO to be completed much earlier and not 4.5yrs to build -.-! ). Having said that, we practised financial prudence by keeping to our budget despite having more time to save up to a comfortable amount. We could have easily overspend as we got to save more in the timeframe.
Last but not least, just a disclaimer again. This post serves to share through personal experience that wedding and having a love nest need not be THAT costly. There is always a choice, and the uncle here chose the "cheapo" way (you can tell from all the malaysia purchase lol). So long as it is affordable and within your means, and by affordable I mean you should have sufficient saving buffer and not the situation where wedding or the day you moved in is the day you become absolutely broke, I think is okay so long as the intangible benefit (keeps you happy for the next decade) is great. I don't even wanna talk about the idea of Renovation Loan.
Good luck for those planning for your big day and may the $$$ be with you.
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